


Intimacy

by Sam_I_Am (Chloe_Hallow_Eve)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual Dave Strider, Dave figuring out he doesn't want sex, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sex Repulsed Dave Strider, he was avoiding Karkat for a bit but dont worry they fix things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23021557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Sam_I_Am
Summary: Dave goes to one of Rose's psychology sessions. She helps him discover something about himself.For DS on my discord server, because DS feels like there's not enough ace Dave content, and I wholly agreed.
Relationships: Dave Strider & Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	Intimacy

Laying on the Lalonde-Maryam’s couch, hands folded over his stomach and staring at the ceiling, Dave wondered if these biweekly sessions with Rose were really as ‘mandatory’ as she made them seem. It wasn’t like he didn’t already know everything she was prodding at. He could be pretty self aware, if he wanted to be, despite everything that came out of his mouth. There was just a difference between thinking things and saying them out loud. It made shit seem too real. 

And right now, he didn’t want to think about how he was avoiding Karkat after what happened a couple days ago. The best distraction to one problem was another, and Rose knew about all of his problems. 

Rose, her legs tucked under her and leaning against the arm of a love-seat, watched him carefully. She had a notebook perched open, pen at the ready. She kept flipping back to previous pages and scanning them quickly before returning her attention to Dave, confirming information she’d gathered during previous sessions. Probably filled with baseless accusations about denial and daddy issues or something. She was taking her time before addressing Dave, this time, which meant she was gearing up to ask a fairly big question. Dave wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

At first, it had been more than a little weird when she did that. Dave had thought she was playing out her deepest psychologist fantasies, and needed a willing subject. And there could be no subject more forcefully willing than her brother. Dave had answered most questions she tossed at him on the meteor with sarcasm and irony, but when they moved into their new planet and grew up a little, her questions grew more specific. Dave wasn’t sure if psychology actually worked like that, but hey, he didn’t know shit. And Rose knew too much. 

_ ‘Do you believe your inadvertence to contact is due to an innate distrust of people’s motivations, fuelled by your Bro’s actions?’ _

_ ‘How easily you startle is obviously a product of your upbringing, as is your tendency to fill the silence in any way you can. But is there an underlying fear of being alone you haven’t considered?’ _

_ ‘Many individuals use humour as a coping mechanism, which you yourself use and tie into your ‘irony’. However, there are many things you let slip during your rants. Is that a cry for help, a desensitizing tactic to make your issues seem less daunting, or an entirely subconscious act?’  _

“Do you feel safe?” 

Dave looked over at the sound of Rose’s voice, blinking away memories. It took a moment for her short, to the point, yet somehow the more unsettling question to sink in. He kept a neutral expression, despite the way his insides squirmed. 

“Why wouldn’t I? We’re gods, we can’t exactly die. And I’ve always got my sword on me. There’s literally no place safer than next to a Strider. We’re like those dope ass anime characters that got their shit together, who are cooler than the hero in basically every way, because they can slice rocks in half and cut down fires. Hear that, citizens of Earth C? If your house is on fire, call up a Strider. Earthquake? Gather around a Strider, that falling building won’t stand a chance. Flood? Call me Moses because I’m about to split the sea in half.” 

Patiently waiting until he finished, Rose tapped her pen on her book. Dave went on enough tangents that she knew to just let it run its course by now. She said they were informative, though Dave didn’t know what kind of information she could be gathering out of him ranting about being good with a sword. 

“Very interesting,” Rose said, scribbling something down, “but that was not the question. I asked if you feel safe, not if you could protect yourself.” 

“Isn’t that the same thing? The better I can defend myself, the safer I am. People don’t learn self defence for nothing.” 

“In many cases, that would be true, yes. But in yours, defence is tied into training. And I don’t need to go into detail about that particular tie, do I?”

Dave swallowed. “I’d like it better if you didn’t.” 

“Very well.” She waved a hand, as though dismissing that train of thought. “But the question still stands. Do you feel safe? When you are at home with Karkat, or visiting Jade or Dirk, or even right at this moment. Do you feel as though you can be vulnerable, can lower your guard?”

Dave thought about that. His instinct was to say ‘yeah, obviously’, but he had to wonder if that was true. He didn’t think any of his friends or family would hurt him, but he still tensed when any of them went to hug him. He didn’t deflect as much, and tried his best to answer serious questions with serious answers, but it was a process. Everyone had a process, trying to deal with their various upbringings or what happened to them in the game. Dave’s just tended to be more touch averse. 

Not that he wanted to be. He’d love to accept one of Jade’s hugs without having a mini freak out every time. But he was working on it. 

His mind flashed quickly to a couple days ago, when he’d been watching movies with Karkat on a normal evening. When he’d poked one too many holes in the plot, and Karkat had bitched him out, which just made Dave attempt to bite back laughter. When Karkat had glared half-heartedly at him, and Dave had grinned, and they’d been sitting awfully close. He’d noticed how thick Karkat’s eyelashes were, and before he knew what was happening he was leaning forward and pressing his lips to Karkat’s. His sharp little teeth had pressed to Dave’s lip, but he didn’t mind. It had been great, like the few other times they’d kissed, and Karkat had eagerly grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. 

But something had happened between the kiss and Karkat trying to physically pull Dave on top of him. Between innocent fun and feeling hands on his hips. It went from good and wonderful to suddenly not, and Dave had pulled back quickly with panic in his brain, sputtered some dumb excuse and absconded. He felt like shit for it, later, but something happened when the tone shifted that made him feel gross. And he had yet to talk to Karkat about it. Or, talk to Karkat at all.

The stupidest part was that it wasn’t the first time he’d panicked and ran from an intimate interaction with Karkat. The silence just hadn’t lasted this long before. 

But that wasn’t what Dave was here to talk about. He was laying on Rose’s couch, ready to get picked apart about something else entirely. Because while he could be self aware, he was also really good at avoiding things. And he was fully prepared to avoid his thing with Karkat.

“I guess, yeah.” He settled on saying. “Relaxing isn’t my forte, even if I am the coolest dude this side of the kingdoms, but I’m getting the hang of it. Practice makes perfect, and all that.” 

Rose hummed. “I see. Quite understandable. What would you say about your relationship with intimacy?” 

Something in Dave’s chest sunk. Looking over at Rose, he examined her casual body language, her relaxed features, the loose way she held her pen. It was too casual. Especially when paired with the knowing glint in her eye that told him she knew more than she was letting on. 

Dave closed his eyes for a moment, counting his breaths and smoothing the edges of his panic out. Sitting up, he swung his legs over the side of the couch so he could clasp his hands between his knees and face Rose properly. 

“Did Karkat say something?” 

“No,” She said truthfully, “but he did talk to Kanaya. And, well. She is my wife.” 

“Damn. Do you both gossip back and forth and stick your noses into everyone’s personal lives like that?” 

“Yes.” 

The unapologetic conviction in Rose’s voice almost made him snort. Instead, he looked off to the side, one leg bouncing rapidly. Knowing Karkat was upset about this thing to have gone to Kanaya about it made it hard to swallow. It felt even worse to know he was the source of that upset. 

“You sure we can’t table this convo for another time? I think my daddy issues are coming on strong, let's look into that. Or maybe we can revisit my Freudian slips, that’s always a wack time in the Strider psyche. Way more interesting.” 

“We could, but then nothing would be done about this. And I’m quite tired of hearing about your troubles in lovers paradise through the grapevine. Please answer me honestly, David; What about Karkat, and the arrangement you find yourself in at home, causes you to shy away from intimacy?” 

“I don’t shy away from it.” Dave frowned at his hands, tapping out a beat on his palm. “It’s cool when Karkat is, like, being awkward as fuck about holding my hand or when he’s trying real hard not to make it obvious he wants to cuddle while we watch movies. I’m totally down for a little hand action, maybe some leg tangling under a blanket, maybe even pepper in some scandalous head on shoulder stuff. That’s the good shit. Would make a grown man blush if he caught us all snuggled up by the tv, we’re just that intimate.” 

“If you are so cool with it, then why do you pull away those few times?” 

Dave didn’t know. He was sometimes self aware, but that didn’t mean he had all the answers. “Fuck if I know. It’s probably just my dumb ass brain freaking out and I need to get over it. It’s whatever.” 

Rose watched him for a moment. Then she closed her notebook, set it on the coffee table in front of her, and untucked her legs, she set her folded hands in her lap. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, and we go from there?” 

Dave cocked a brow. “Isn’t it weird to talk about your romantic adventures with your sister? I’m pretty sure getting into the intimate details of this shit with you is going to be weird. I know your bro’s with old Sigmund there but come on.”

“Weirder than you calling Jane ‘John’s hot mom’?” 

“Okay, that was uncalled for.”

“Dave,” Rose’s voice dipped into something soft and serious, making Dave sit up a bit, “I am just trying to help you, if you would allow me to. Trust me, we both want this resolved as soon as possible. Once it is, I will refrain from asking about the details of you and Karkat’s relationship again. But until then, it would be best if we took a deeper look into what exactly transpired, so we may identify the source of your hesitance.” She leaned forward, looking Dave right in the eye, despite him having his shades on. “In short; Don’t be a little bitch, Dave, and talk about your feelings like a man.” 

Dave snorted, that time, but sobered quickly. If he were to hash out his shit with anyone, it was probably best if it was Rose. He loved all his friends, but Rose knew him best. She was his sister, and a Seer. She was privy to a lot of intimate knowledge on him, more than she probably wanted. And despite how she stuck her nose in things and liked to tease, she really did mean well. 

After a long moment, Dave sighed, and decided ‘fuck it’. “A couple nights ago, Karkles and I were doing the usual thing. Just sitting around, watching some romcom, and I was poking holes in it because how defensive he gets about those things is hilarious. And we were pretty close already, snuggled up and all that, and I can’t even remember what I said but Karkles went off. Like this was a true, old fashioned Karkat rant. Don’t get many of those anymore. Do you remember the good old days? When anything we said sent Karkat flipping off the handle right into a pile of shit? When we’d laugh about it because any word that came out of his mouth was fucking golden? Like, damn dude, that stick up your ass can come up with some pretty creative insults. But he’s calmed down a lot, which is cool, but he just turned straight back into sixteen year old Karkat which was great-”

“Dave.” 

“-and he caught me grinning and called me an idiot.” Dave continued, like he hadn’t just been reminded they were on a topic. “And I was just sitting there grinning like one. He rolled his eyes, but smiled a little, and we looked at each other in that  _ ‘shit man, we’re making this happen’  _ way and kissed. And that was cool. Great, even. After calming my shit and admitting I can and do like guys, I’ve found it really nice to get my mack on with him. Way better than kissing corpses. Do you ever think about how fucked up that mechanic was? I do every goddamn day.”

“ _ Dave. _ ” 

“So anyways, we’re kissing, then Karkat puts his hands on my waist because we’ve been going at it for a bit and, like, tries to lie back? Or something? Get me in his lap? I don’t know, I was probably just freaking out, because as soon as he did I was like. Yo, stop. No longer fun. And not just in the ‘hey man I’m tapping out wanna watch the movie again’ way, but a full on ‘oh shit, this is not good, fight or flight mode activated time to haul ass and panic all on my lonesome for no fucking reason’. And then I panicked about why I panicked, which I haven’t figured out. I still don’t know why, so I haven’t been able to talk to Karkat again because I’d have no good explanation for him.” 

The room was silent after he finished. Looking at Rose, Dave tried to pick apart her expression. But she was frustratingly poker-faced sometimes, and right now, all he could understand was that she was in deep thought. 

“This isn’t the first time this has happened, correct?” 

“No. It’s happened a couple times before. We just usually brush it off the next day. Or, I do, and Karkat goes along with it.” 

“So you made the choice not to brush it off this time.” Rose placed a finger against her lips, thumb sliding under her chin. “Hm. What do you think would have happened if you hadn’t left?” 

Dave frowned. “What?” 

“Well, seeing as you’ve expressed that you don’t know why you absconded, I’d like to go through a thought experiment with you. It might help us understand why you did what you did. So what do you think would have happened if you’d stayed?” 

Quiet, Dave tried to imagine it. If he hadn’t left, and let Karkat lay them down on the couch. There would have been a lot more touching. Maybe a cheeky booty grab. Things might have just calmed down, and Dave would have rested his head on Karkat’s chest, and they’d watch the rest of the movie comfortably tangled. But things could have easily gotten steamier. Dave could barely imagine taking their tops off before his lips flattened into a grimace. 

Rose didn’t need a verbal answer, apparently, as she spoke once she saw the face he made. “Dave, I’m going to make an assumption. If it is incorrect, please tell me so, but at least give it some consideration. Have you ever thought that you could be asexual?” 

Dave stared at Rose for a long moment. “...Like, not wanting sex?” 

“That is a sort of asexual, yes.” She shrugged at Dave’s raised brow. “While we don’t necessarily need labels for our new Earth, I did some research on our old ones. It’s come in handy. But what asexuality really is, is a lack of sexual attraction. There are asexuals who are sex positive, or willing to have sex with their partners as a form of growing closer while still not experience sexual attraction. And there are asexuals who are sex repulsed, and do not wish to partake in the action at all.”

Rose peered at him, seeing if he would react or respond. Dave didn’t. He was too busy going over his behaviour in his head, trying to figure out if that’s what was happening. He slipped so many sex jokes into his rants, and he’d been raised in an apartment surrounded by puppet ass. He couldn’t be asexual if he did those things, could he? 

Except the more he rolled the term around in his brain, the more sense it made. He could almost feel it slotting into place, sitting at home, one piece of his fucked up mind that was put back where it should be. He didn’t know why it made sense, but it did. 

Rose paused for a couple more seconds, then continued. “This could explain why you were so averse to Karkat touching you in that way. Our old society had a tendancy to push sex and romance as being the same thing, and as you were raised in a questionable environment, so you might have linked intimacy to sex subconsciously. And if you aren’t interested in sex…”

“...I’d panic because it seemed like the next logical step,” Dave finished, the dawning realization hitting its peak. “Holy shit.” 

Rose smirked. “Indeed. Your subconscious is ahead of you. And now you have an explanation for Karkat.” 

Dave’s brow furrowed. “...Should I? I just found out this thing about myself- or, you did- and I don’t know jack shit about it. I mean, we could be completely off base here, too. Is that the kind of thing I should go advertising right off the bat? Like, damn, once upon a time some dope ass but pretty dumb dudes made pepsi to cure indigestion. Which is fucking wild to think about. Humans are wrong, a lot. What if this is wrong too, and it turns out I do just have issues being close to people?” 

“Then you can change the label. None of them are fixed.” She picked up her notebook, flipping it open on the arm of the chair and beginning to write. “And what fits you now might not fit you later. But if you feel like it suits you now, I think it would be worth it to tell your boyfriend that, so you may figure it out together.” 

“Yeah, duh. Obviously.” He paused. “Okay but what if Karkat wants sex and-” 

“Dave, if he truly wants to be with you- which he does- he shouldn’t mind. As much as Alternian culture emphasized sex as mandatory for the continuation of their species, I’m sure Karkat is smart enough to know romance and sex are separate entities.”

“Right.” Hesitantly, Dave stood. “Cool. So I should get on talking to him.” 

“That would be preferable, yes.” 

“Sweet. Okay. Doing the thing.” Walking over to the window, Dave slid it open. “Thanks Rose.” 

“You’re welcome.” She flipped a page. “I expect a deep review of one of your dreams as payment.”

Rolling his eyes, Dave slipped out the window and began to fly home. He would walk, but he wanted to get back quickly. And he wanted to think. It was easier to think when flying, high above the citizens of Earth C and anything that could distract him. 

Asexual. It was weird to realize, and weirder to think about. He knew, logically, a relationship didn’t need sex. But he guessed he never thought about it too hard, didn’t internalize that thought. It was like a breath of fresh air to tell himself that, yeah, he didn’t need to have sex to have a good relationship. He felt kind of stupid for not realizing that sooner. 

Dave was sometimes self aware. But he was also sometimes a fucking idiot. He couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad about that when he was just relieved to know it was normal enough to warrant a label. 

When he got close to home, he tried to swallow his nerves. He’d avoided Karkat long enough, he needed to provide some answers. That panicked voice in his head worrying about if Karkat didn’t understand could fuck right off. 

Lowering to the ground, Dave momentarily contemplated knocking on his own goddamn front door before he realized that was stupid. It wasn’t like they locked the doors during the day, anyways. Entering his house, Dave glanced around for any sign that Karkat was home. His shoes were by the front door, and Dave could hear some shuffling in the kitchen, so he seemed to be. He hesitated a moment in the entrance, listening to the fridge open and shut, before he kicked off his own shoes and quietly closed the door behind him. 

Approaching the kitchen, Dave peered through the doorway. Karkat stood in the middle, still in a baggy t-shirt and pj pants. He was gnawing on a slice of toasted grubloaf while he poured himself some juice. There was nothing special about him right then- in fact, his hair looked messier than usual- but the sight of him still made a knot in Dave’s chest loosen. It conflicted against the bundle of nerves in his stomach, though it gave him enough courage to slide fully into the doorway and clear his throat. 

Karkat paused. He set the juice container aside, twisted the lid on, and put it back in the fridge. Picking up his glass, he turned to Dave, leaning against the counter casually and raising his brows. His expression was neutral, which just meant only mildly pissed. It was almost disconcerting to see him silent and waiting, but Dave kind of deserved it, after giving the guy the silent treatment. 

They silently looked at each other, at a standstill, for a long moment. Dave cleared his throat again. 

“So,” He started, “I visited Rose, and she forced me to look at how big of an idiot I’ve been being. Which is real fucking big. You could see how dumb I’ve been being from space. That’s no moon, captain, that’s Dave Strider’s moron mass, revolving around Earth C, which is coincidentally the size of his head. How doesn’t he float away with a head that big? His thick skull weighs him down, kind of equals out his weight. Somehow the entirety of his head is still empty.”

“We all know you’re an idiot, Dave, yes.” Karkat rolled his eyes, hard, brows coming down from their perch to swoop down and crease. “Is there a point to this rant? Because my bullshit tolerance for today is spectacularly low.”

“Right. What I’m trying to say is, sorry I bailed on you like that. And then avoided you.” Shifting, his eyes flicked everywhere but Karkat. “I knew you would have questions, or whatever, and I wanted to have an answer for you. And I didn’t. So I talked to Rose, and now I’ve got one, because she obviously noticed something I didn’t and called me out on it. What are sisters for if not to call you out on your shit? I think that’s they’re primary function, wonder if Jade works like that for John-” 

“Dave, shut up.” Putting down his glass and piece of bread, Karkat took a deep breath. “I know what you’re going to say.” 

Dave froze. His hand started tapping rapidly on his leg. “You do?” 

“Fuck, yes. It’s not like you’ve been super obvious this whole time! I get it, whatever, I’ll get out of your stupid soft human hair so you don’t even have to say it, because you seem to be really struggling there!”

Worry worked through Dave’s body. His stance widened subconsciously, and his mouth worked a little before he spoke again. “Uuuuh, what exactly don’t I have to say?” 

Turning to him, Karkat’s face was twisted in forced rage. Right under it was thinly veiled hurt, and resignation. He was putting on a brave face. “Is this some sick psychological torture? You make me guess that you want to break up then make me say it for you? Are you enjoying this? Going to get a good chuckle out of this later, asshole?” 

Dave stared at him. “What?” 

“Fuck. Okay, you wouldn’t do that, I’m just- fuck.” Karkat turned away again, shoulders high and blinking fast. “Whatever. It’s fine, I get it. You’re really fucking awkward and didn’t know how to say it. So it’s fine, you don’t have to. I picked up on those signals loud and fucking clear.” 

“Wh- Karkat, no.” Dave didn’t move- couldn’t move- for a long moment. Shaking himself out of whatever stupor his body was in, he stepped forward, raising a hand but hovering awkwardly when he was unsure if he should touch Karkat. “No. That’s not what I wanted to say. That’s really not what I wanted to do at all.” 

“Then what? What other conclusion could I possibly be drawing here? You ran and then avoided me for fucking days! You don’t need to spare my feelings, I fucking get it. I should have known this wouldn’t last, I was just so fucking selfish-”

“I don’t want sex.” 

Karkat froze. Dave did, too. Slowly, Karkat turned to look at him, eyes wide and a little wet, mouth open. Dave’s own mouth pressed thin. He dropped his hand back to his side. 

“....What?” 

“Okay.” Dave ran his hands through his hair, already feeling a flush crawl up his neck. “So basically, the conclusion that Rose and I drew is that I don’t want sex, like, ever, except media hammered in the idea that sex and romance were the same exact thing and whenever we started to get into kissing I subconsciously would be like ‘hey this is leading to sex, oh fuck I don’t want sex, abort’. But I didn’t know it, so I was struggling for days trying to figure out why I was being so shitty and I didn’t have an answer so if you asked questions I wouldn’t be able to answer them. Well, okay, maybe not that you’d ask them, but I had questions for myself and I was beating myself up about it. But now I know, and it’s that I do want to be your boyfriend, or matesprit, or whatever. I just don’t want sex.” 

Karkat stared at him, processing. Then all at once, he let out a breath and his shoulders dropped from next to his ears. The moisture in his eyes doubled, a red tint over his eyes. He raised a sleeve to swipe at them. “Thank fucking Gog. I really didn’t want to break up.” 

“Yeah man, neither do I.” With the tension gone, Dave stepped forward to wrap Karkat in his arms. His hug was returned immediately. “So, uh, you’re cool with this?” 

“Of fucking course. I like you, Dave, not whatever your dick can do. And I know how to masturbate just fine.” 

Dave laughed quietly, most of his nerves dissolving and becoming a giddy energy. “Okay, cool. Make sure you don’t rub your dick off. Or whatever you have.” 

Snorting, Karkat broke the hug and shoved Dave lightly. “Shut up. Do you want to watch something and cuddle later?” 

“Sure.” Dave grinned. “Sounds like a plan. As long as it’s not some dumb romcom again.” 

“Oh, fuck off.” 

Despite his words, Karkat gave him a small kiss. It was barely anything, just a brush of lips, but it sent Dave’s heart fluttering, and all his worries went quiet. He gave Karkat a small kiss back. Karkat gave him a little smile, a lot more calm than before, and turned back to his food. 

Watching Karkat drain his juice in one go and shove the grubloaf back in his mouth in what was probably the most unattractive way possible, he knew he’d be just fine. He felt so, so much more comfortable knowing he didn’t need sex to make this work. 

And by himself, he was going to make him and Karkat work. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I really don't see enough Ace Dave stuff, and well. If you can't find the content you want, make it. Thank you for reading, take care of yourselves!
> 
> And DS- you're a joy to have in my server. Thank you for your content, and your friendship. I hope we get to have many more moments of solidarity!


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